Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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