ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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