dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
These tits shall not be calmed
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
