"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
