sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize