Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
