one might say we're banned from that church
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
