Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
