The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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