it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
