here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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