i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize