do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I will be naked everywhere
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
