she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
