your parents love me but you hate me
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
