Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
