he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
