dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
