Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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