Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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