you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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