I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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