sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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