Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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