Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
