Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
