That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
now i know why i became what i already was.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
