I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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