I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
