and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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