Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Semen is not good for contacts.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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