Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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