You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
