maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
