I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
