wrigley field is MILF paradise
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
