so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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