Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
no you cant smoke seaweed
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
