you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
