I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
