What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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