You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
