I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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