Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
