How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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