I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
