There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
