That's when you crack a 10am beer
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
