What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
