I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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