We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
