i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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