Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
