sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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