dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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