She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
