I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize