Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
