I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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