did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Let's get the cat blown out
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
