STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i think my mom watched the whole time
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
