Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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