just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
