anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
