matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
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