so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
