how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
